Michael Jackson Prank Called Russell Crowe

Eva Rinaldi [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Recent reports revealed that King of Pop Michael Jackson allegedly spent years prank calling Gladiator’s Russel Crowe, despite the fact that the two never met.  Today, our staff obtained transcripts of some of these calls, and present them here in an exclusive report:

<TELEPHONE RING> RC: <Unintelligible grunt>

MJ: Is Mr. Wall there?

RC: Who the hell is this?

MJ: Is Mrs. Wall there? RC: Seriously, mate, I will flat out murder you.

MJ: Are any walls there?

RC: I will bury your family and burn down their dreams.

MJ: How does your roof stay up? hehehe

RC: Ok, Michael Jackson, that’s pretty funny.

MJ: Thank you, Russell Crowe. Want to get ice cream and watch some movies?

RC: I guess.

MJ: I’ll have the movies. You bring the ice cream.

RC: What kind do you want?

MJ: Do you have Breyers in a tub?

RC: Yeah.

MJ: Better let him out before he gets all wrinkly, he-he!

RC: Never call me again, or I swear to all that is holy I will put you in a bag with 8 rabid dingos and chuck you into a pit. <CONNECTION BROKEN>

<TELEPHONE RING> RC: <Cranky muttering>

MJ:  Is Mr. Max there?

RC: Michael Jackson, is that you?

MJ:  Aww, now, don't be mad, Max! Hehe!

RC: That's Mel Gibson you stupid bastard. Call me again and I'll eat your monkey!

MJ: Thunderdome!

RC: <Expletive Deleted> <CONNECTION BROKEN>

<TELEPHONE RING>

RC: <Unable to hear over loud didgeridoo playing>

MJ:  Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?

RC: Look, Michael, I know it's you. Stop this right now!

MJ:  Well, if it is, you better run after it real fast!

RC: That's not even the right joke, you <Expletive Deleted>.

MJ:  Yes it is.

RC:  No, it's not.  It's "Is your refrigerator running?" "Yes." "Well, you better go catch it, then!" See, mate?

MJ: Sorry to have bothered you. <CONNECTION BROKEN>

<TELEPHONE RING> RC: <Unintelligible due to Men At Work's Down Under playing in background>

MJ: Is your refrigerator running?

RC: <Expletive Deleted> you, Michael.

MJ: Hehe! <CONNECTION BROKEN>

<TELEPHONE RING>

RC: <Can't hear over sound of smashing glass>

MJ:  Is Amanda Huggenkiss there?

RC: You just saw that on the Simpsons, jackass.

MJ:  Hehe!

RC: I will set your head on fire! <CONNECTION BROKEN>

This is parody, which, frankly, should be obvious.