H.P. Lovecraft - Television Writer

He transformed the writers' room into a dimension of indescribable horrors and pitches incomprehensible to those but the utterly mad.

In addition to being a complete racist, it is arguable that H.P. Lovecraft was one of the most influential horror writers of all time.  His tales, particularly those of the so-called Cthulhu Mythos, published in pulp magazines of the 20’s and 30’s, served as inspiration for countless writers that followed him, including the likes of Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, and the guy who wrote Who Moved My Cheese.

If Lovecraft were around today, there is little doubt that he would be writing for television.   Television is to modern audiences what Weird Tales was to Lovecraft’s generation.

Here are a list of shows that Lovecraft would have pitched were he alive in the age of television.

1.  In Living Colour Out of Space

2.  The Dunwich Hillbillies

3.  American Idol to the Old Ones

4.  Pickman’s Fences

5.  My Mother the Fungi From Yuggoth

6.  Cagney and Shub-Niggurath

7.  Seinfeld – Reanimator

8.  The Doom That Came To 90210

9.  Gibbering Mad About You

10. Friends, Who I Will Sacrifice To Nyarlthotep

11. The Lawrence Welk Program, featuring the Music of Erich Zann

12. The Innsmouth Shore (featuring Snooki and the Situation So Horrid It Can Not Be Described)

13. Cthulhu’s Island

14. Growing Pains of Nameless Dread

15. Cultists and Recreation

16. Dancing When The Stars Are Right

17.  The Dukes of Abdul Al-Hazrad

18. Hill Street Cyclopean Horrors

19.  Miskatonic Commons

20. Saved By Nothing, Not Even the Bell

21. At the Full House of Madness

22. Arkham’s Funniest Home Videos

23. Murder, She Wrote in the Dreaded Tome Older Than The Very Earth Itself

24. Dexter’s Laboratory of Unspeakable Evil

25. This Old House, in Which It Sounds As Though There Are Rats In The Walls

26. Decidedly Unhappy Days

27. Breaking Mad

28. Buffy the Byakhee Slayer

29. Twin Peaks

30.  The Fresh Prince of Rylyeh

31.  Lost (in the Abyss Between Worlds)

32.  Hastur Knows Best

33.  The Head of The Class, in Which They Teach Non-Euclidean Geometry

34.  Charles in Charge of Rounding Up The Innocent Victims To Appease The Elder Gods

35. America's Got Tindalos

36. Better Call Cthulhu

37. King of Queens in Yellow

38. The Dreamlands of Jeannie

39. Everybody Loves Carcosa

40. Leave it to Yog-Sothoth

41. Joey

 

 An audio version of this story is HERE.