Rejected Halloween Movies

A scene from the rejected “Nosfera2: Undead Boogaloo” Photo on Flickr by FICG.mx under a Creative Commons CC By 2.0 license

As Halloween approaches, it bears noting that every year, filmmakers produce roughly 6,349 horror movies worldwide.* Despite this terrifyingly high number of films, major studios still ax numerous proposed scary movies. Here are just a few of those rejections.

1. Nightmare on Elmo Street: A puppet enters people’s dreams and irritates them to death.

2. The Tony Blair Witch Project: Found footage of former British prime minister as he is chased by a comical witch, who is actually a man in drag, all to the sounds of Yakkety Sax.

3. Friday the 13th: Jason’s Reflections: A hockey masked psychopath strolls through the woods ruminating on the works of Walt Whitman.

4. Uncle Tom’s Cabin In The Woods: Rejected as being too racist.

5. Larry the Cable Guy Meets Frankenstein: Rejected as being too racist.

6. You Will Be Terrified!: Producers rejected this film, which consisted of a woman looking at the camera and simply saying “Boo!” repeatedly over the course of its proposed 90 minute run time, as they felt it was too scary.

7. The Baba Ganoush: A family is tormented by an eggplant dip that has spoiled.

8. The Really Evil Dead: Legal nixed this blatant ripoff of the Evil Dead franchise with David Schwimmer attached as Nash Billiams fighting an army of undead porcupines for some reason or another.

9. Psycho Killer: A concert film of Talking Heads performing one song repeatedly.

10. Dracula vs. Twilight: Dracula massacres the wimpy tween fiction vampires in the first five minutes of the movie. Then he skulks around a castle going “Blah blah blah”. Budgetary constraints halted this.

11. Halloween In A Submarine!: Mike Meyers somehow enters the Beatles classic Yellow Submarine and wreaks havoc on the residents of Pepperville as the lads from Liverpool give chase. Couldn’t get music rights cleared.

* Source: A wise hobo found wandering ’bout the outskirts of town.